hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
