I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
