Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done