It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!