she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms