sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.