Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
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I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
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So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.