I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...