Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me