WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
