I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
