did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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