So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
