And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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