You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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