It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
