I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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