I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
