I faked an abortion last night.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
