I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
