She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
