Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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