wakey wakey hands off snakey
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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