at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
