I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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