break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just want nice things and good sex
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
