question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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