Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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