my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My cat gives me a boner
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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