You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
