the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Farmville is her only friend.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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