My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
