Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I need to calm my uterus...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
