So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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