OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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