i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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