Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
and she was petting her beer can
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
