Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
