So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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