Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
