I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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