I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
