Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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