At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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