PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
