i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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