The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
