"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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