just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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