Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
