I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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