you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
