Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
What drink are we having for lunch?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
