Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
