There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
