Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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