He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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