she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
