In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
