Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
