I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
