Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
