Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
