she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
are you so shy because you have an std?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
