Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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