I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
