There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
