I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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