No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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