So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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