I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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