had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
