Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
