sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
