no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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