So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
