its not stalking. its research.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
