yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I got inside last night via doggy door
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
