I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
