I wish I could punch you in the face.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
