Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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