I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
