Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
