he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
