I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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