nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
