just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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