Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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