Whod you bang
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
