Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
